How I Manage Caregiving for My Mother with Dementia: Lessons and Self‑Care Strategies

When David Hoshaw received a call from his mother’s physician, the news was unsettling: Muriel was forgetting her medications and showing early signs of dementia.

As Muriel’s only surviving child, David became responsible for her care. He soon joined a growing cohort of baby‑boomer adults who are now looking after an aging parent.

A 2020 CDC survey found that 1 in 4 baby boomers serve as caregivers; more than half have been providing care for over two years, and one‑quarter devote 20 + hours each week. David falls into both categories and has lived full‑time with his mother for more than four years.

The same CDC data reveal that caregivers often neglect their own health while prioritizing the needs of their loved ones.

Below, David explains how he navigates his caregiving role while keeping his own well‑being in focus.

Relocating to Care for Mom

After the doctor’s call, David and his wife Darlene spent weeks weighing options. They decided to move from Southern California to Washington’s Kitsap Peninsula, where Muriel lived alone.

“I couldn’t help her from 1,200 miles away,” David said. “After 30 years in business and an empty‑nest, we were ready for a change.”

The family became Washington residents within 18 months, just in time for an emergency: Muriel fell in the bathtub, missed her diabetes medication, and her blood sugar spiked. Neighbors rescued her and took her to the hospital.

David and Darlene rushed to be with her; she was weak, disoriented, and needed fluid rebalancing. After a short rehab stay, the real work began.

They cleared years of accumulated clutter—extra furniture, stacks of newspapers, expired canned goods—a pattern documented in a 2019 study of dementia‑related hoarding.

Insurance complications soon surfaced. Muriel’s assisted‑living policy was denied because a nurse completed the forms incorrectly, forcing the family to cover roughly $20,000 out‑of‑pocket for a $500‑per‑day facility.

Once the house was organized, Muriel returned home. David and Darlene assumed daily medication administration, meal preparation, and hired an evening in‑home aide to monitor insulin use and provide companionship. This freed them to address other urgent tasks, such as sorting Muriel’s finances.

Muriel owed the IRS tens of thousands of dollars and had a maxed‑out credit‑card balance. After extensive paperwork and negotiations, the family placed the debts on repayment plans that remain in place today.

Transforming Daily Life

Diet was another critical focus. Before hospitalization, Muriel’s refrigerator was stocked with sugary fruit‑flavored yogurts that regularly spiked her glucose. David introduced whole‑food, low‑carbohydrate meals, which noticeably improved her mood and mental clarity.

A 2021 review highlighted small‑scale studies showing cognitive benefits of a ketogenic diet for people with dementia. Muriel’s doctor observed her nightly insulin dose drop from 13 units to 5 units after the dietary change.

David and Darlene also instituted proactive feeding schedules to prevent Muriel from sneaking fruit on an empty stomach, keeping sweets out of reach.

Prioritizing My Own Well‑Being

Caregiving reshaped David’s life, but it also brought unexpected rewards, including a closer relationship with his mother.

He shares practical strategies he uses to stay healthy while caregiving:

Eat When They Eat

Preparing meals together reduces prep time and encourages the caregiver to follow the same nutritious plan.

Get Plenty of Rest

A 2016 review found that up to 76 % of adult caregivers experience poor sleep, which is linked to depression, fatigue, and anxiety. David advises discussing sleep issues with a physician and using tools like baby monitors, shared night shifts, or daytime naps to mitigate interruptions.

Stay Active

On sunny days Muriel walks with her aides; David supplements this with Zoom yoga, mountain biking, or YMCA workouts. A 2021 review reported that caregivers who exercise with the person they care for see psychosocial and physical health gains.

Connect to Community

David coaches a children’s mountain‑bike team and continues his real‑estate business, preventing isolation and maintaining a sense of purpose.

Take Vacations When Possible

When resources allow, the couple hires temporary in‑home help or leans on nearby family, giving them the chance to recharge together.

Maintain Hobbies

Gardening, yoga, and biking preserve identity and leisure, and can sometimes be shared with the care recipient.

Share Responsibilities

Having Darlene as a partner and a network of local helpers eases David’s load. He emphasizes reaching out early to friends, family, or professional services to avoid burnout.

Seek Professional Support

Therapists and caregiver support groups provide emotional relief, practical advice, and connections to resources.

Caregiving is a major responsibility, but finding ways to cope benefits both the caregiver and the loved one. Like David, many discover that the role can enrich life in unexpected ways.