Navigating Contact with an Abusive Ex: Should You Attend an Event?

General Recommendation

Avoid attendance if possible. Abusive ex-partners (especially with narcissistic/psychopathic traits) may use the event to:

• Manipulate, Hoover, or gaslight
• Trigger trauma responses
• Undermine your recovery
• Escalate to stalking or physical risk

If Attendance Is Unavoidable

1. Prepare mentally: Therapy session beforehand; grounding techniques; safety plan.
2. Set firm boundaries: No contact, no conversation, no shared space if feasible. Have an exit strategy.
3. Bring a support person: Trusted friend who knows the situation.
4. Limit alcohol: Stay sharp.
5. Document: If harassment occurs, record (per local law) and report.
6. Post-event debrief: With therapist or support network.

Long-Term Protection

• No-contact or low-contact (gray rock) strategy.
• Legal: restraining order if criteria met.
• Ongoing trauma therapy (EMDR, CPT, DBT).
• Rebuild safety, autonomy, self-trust.

Your safety and healing are paramount. You are not obligated to endure proximity to an abuser.