Supporting a Friend Through a Miscarriage: What to Avoid

When a woman has a miscarriage, emotions run high. It is one of the most devastating of losses. Feelings of loneliness, anger, and confusion will be swirling around along with hormonal changes. The last thing she needs is to hear comments and advice that, although well-meaning, may be hurtful and insensitive. Here are some things you should not say and do when a friend is coping with a miscarriage.

Instructions

• 1

  DON'T GOSSIP TO OTHERS. This is the worst thing that a friend can do. Never tell any other mutual acquaintence about a friend's miscarriage. There is a reason why the other person does not know.

• 2

  DON'T GIVE ADVICE. Someone who is having a miscarriage does not need any advice on the best way to get pregnant. She clearly already knows how to get pregnant. Furthermore, comments about how to have a healthy pregnancy (taking folic acid, eating right, weight maintenance, regular checkups with the obstetrician, etc.) are not constructive but in fact may increase the guilty feelings that your friend is already experiencing. The truth is that she did all the right things, but miscarriage was the result. Now what she really needs your support and a sympathetic ear.

• 3

  IF SHE HAS CHILDREN ALREADY, DON'T SAY..."Well, at least you already have children" or even worse, "You have enough kids already". Don't balk, these are very common words that mothers hear from loved ones when they have a miscarriage.

• 4

  DON'T EVER SAY..."It was for the best" or "It was God's will".

• 5

  NEVER ASK..."When are you going to try again?" This may be the furthest thing from a woman's mind after a recent miscarriage, or it may be the topmost thought on her mind. In either case, it is none of your business. Let your friend bring that subject up on her own, if she wants to.